For Elizabeth Kyle
Elizabeth Kyle, you beautiful child, with your bright blue eyes and your light brown curls. I never got to hold you; you were never even a little fish swimming the sea inside me. But I knew you. I knew your laugh. I knew the smirk upon your lips - you got that from your Daddy. I carried your image in my heart with me every day. I probably still will.
Elizabeth Kyle, in your daddy’s arms, controlling his heart. Four blue eyes radiating such intense devotion to each other. His happy, healthy Angel - I promised him that. An outsider in your circle, I just looked on. I love you both so much. A little princess, in a dirty party dress, playing with the puppy in the backyard, tiara askew. Skinned knees and loose teeth. Bad dreams and cute jokes. Knock knock. Who’s there? It’s me, Mommy. I love you. I love you, too, sweetheart.
Elizabeth Kyle, getting picked on in the school yard by some bully who pulled your curls. Don’t worry baby - that’s why you have a big brother. He’ll take care of that little problem. Don’t be scared.
Don’t cry Mommy. I can’t help it. How come you’re crying? Because I lost my beautiful baby today, honey. I knew you, Elizabeth Kyle. I can see your face before me. I loved you with my last breath, as I loved your father and brother. I never got to touch those curls, but I knew their scent. I knew the soft skin and peach fuzz on your tanned arms. You tan like your father, you know. I just burn. But be careful, my little Coppertone girl. Here, put on a hat. I knew the feel of your skin, though I never got to touch it. I knew your stubborn chin - all that Irish in you. I never taught you to count. I never taught your ABC’s. There were no bedtime stories from Daddy, where he mimicked all the voices of the animals in the forest. There never will be.
That’s why I’m crying, Elizabeth Kyle. Because you will only ever live in my heart. And eventually, even your memory will fade. This too, shall pass. The aching inside me, that place where you will never be… it will let me go.
And I must let you go, Elizabeth Kyle. But wherever you go, know that you were loved.
Wow…incredibly beautiful and touching.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment by Andre — June 13, 2008 @ 3:19 pm
<<<<<<<>>>>>>
I’m so sorry for your loss, sweetie.
Comment by Beth Donovan — June 13, 2008 @ 3:26 pm
I’m so sorry about your loss.
Comment by SUZANNE — June 13, 2008 @ 10:09 pm
Prayers for you and little Elizabeth Kyle.
Comment by Leanne — June 13, 2008 @ 11:08 pm
Wendy, I am so sorry. But I know you. You survive where others falter. And you will survive this. And you will be a mother (again).
I just know. I have faith in you and your strength and character.
Comment by Allan — June 15, 2008 @ 2:00 pm
been there,…
Comment by dinosaur — June 16, 2008 @ 12:44 pm
[...] It is very rare that I ask people - even close friends - for help. And when I do, it is because I have hit rock bottom. Last week was that bottom. Last week I was showered by God’s Holy Dysenteryâ„¢, and I wasn’t really sure how I was going to get through it. The week started with an eviction notice, and ended with finding out that my baby factory is permanently closed. [...]
Pingback by Girl On The Right » Blog Archive » My Blanche DuBois Moment — June 16, 2008 @ 3:13 pm
I am so sorry for your loss, Wendy.
Comment by Fausta — June 17, 2008 @ 5:19 pm
Wendy, you are a beautiful writer. I read this the day you posted it and have not been able to get it out of my mind. I still don’t really know what to say other than it deeply affected me. I always thought the older we get, the better equipped we are to deal with heartbreak and pain but alas I was mistaken. Life is precious and can be so fleeting. Good luck to you in this difficult time - you have alot of people in your corner.
Chris
Comment by Chris — June 20, 2008 @ 10:35 pm
I’m sorry this happened to you. I grieve for your loss, but remember that God has a plan for everything - this particular one just wasn’t meant to be.
Comment by -B — July 10, 2008 @ 9:23 pm
[...] in my throat as I watched a man in uniform escort his wife and daughter out of the establishment. Her curls - it hurt to look at them. It was all I could do not to cry in front of Beth, who insists [...]
Pingback by Girl On The Right » Blog Archive » I learned that, if I ever go looking for my hearts desire again… — July 23, 2008 @ 9:55 pm
[...] crew, readers and writers alike. Meredith, Kathy, K, etc. Meredith for taking care of me after this happened. It was one of the toughest moments I’ve lived through, and for anyone who knows me at all, [...]
Pingback by Girl On The Right » Blog Archive » In Thanks — November 27, 2008 @ 12:50 am
I want you to know, Wendy, that this was not “God’s plan”…God doesn’t come up with this crap. Laying off all the horrible things that happen to people as being “part of God’s plan” is a SLAP in the face to God. Attributing the work of satan to God is SO wrong.
We do know why things like this happen. It’s part of Christian theology that there is an adversary who causes death. Innocent people get hurt. It’s part of the fall of man.
Incredibly moving post.
Comment by Josh Marihugh — July 6, 2009 @ 11:09 pm