Nutzis on the Loose!
I knew deep down the other day that my off-hand comment about peanut allergies and other designer suburban diseases in my post about bad journalism would elicit a response. Specifically, I knew that the moveon.org of the nut hunters would be out scanning the internet for heathen words like mine, which would threaten not only Little Joey with the anaphylaxis problem, but that also threaten their very belief that they should be telling anyone’s children what they can and can’t take for lunch. Seriously, with the exception of a cigar and a beer, the kids should have the right to whatever the parent packs.
But I digress. The third comment on my post was from Nutzi scold Dad Ken, telling me about his terrible wind from that piece of cheese he ate in 1973. Poor bastard. I feel sorry for him. No, not because he’s bloated, but because he has nothing else to do but scour the internet looking for comments from people like me that turn his world order on its ass.
That said, one of Kathy’s readers put is all into perspective.
So a few months ago my annoying relative with her peanut threatened hellspawn decided she was going to drum up support to make the nearby town “peanut free”. One of her acolytes wanted to know if my business would support the initiative. “Without reservation” said I. And then I thanked her for setting the precedent.
“What precedent?”
“Well, you see, I’m an alcoholic. I cannot drink it, I cannot be around it, and even having alcohol for sale where I live places me in jeopardy. My doctors will have no problem attesting to this as it’s essentially a life threatening allergy. So once you get peanuts banned, you’ve established a legal precedent for me to have all alcohol removed from [name of town]. I will get the bars closed, the liquor stores shut down, and the town declared an alcohol free zone.”
“You can’t DO that!!!” [She's almost bug-eyed -- this is the dumb @#$% who shows up at family events like baseball parties thrown for our kids with four cases of beer in the back of her SUV, because it's good for kids to see their parents getting @#%-faced and then drive home with them after they've consumed 10 beers apiece.]
“Why not? What makes peanuts so special? You don’t think there aren’t children being put at risk by alcohol? How many children have to die so you can drink a Bud on a Friday night?”
Way to fuck ‘em with their own dick.
Both my children have food allergies (medically and empirically verified). Their schools have peanut-free table in the cafeteria. We make their allergies known to their teachers and the other parents in their classes. We don’t tell the parent that they can’t give their children peanut products; we ask that they be mindful of our children’s allergies if they send in snacks for a special event. We give the teacher safe snacks for our kids in the event a parent sends in something our kids can’t eat.
I think these are reasonable accommodations. We don’t demand peanut-free classrooms or schools. Our kid’s allergies don’t give us the right to prevent others from eating what they choose. We just ask that some care be taken, and our children have a safe place to eat (thus the peanut-free table, NOT a peanut-free cafeteria).
Hope this doesn’t make me a “Nutzi” (and I completely agree with the reader)!
Comment by Dan Kennedy — December 4, 2008 @ 12:13 pm
Something about slings and arrows seems somehow now approprate… and the thought that the very best weapon of them all is a quick wit and a sharp tongue… then you yourself end it all so very well.
(If you don’t mind, I’m stealing this missive and tucking it away for future use. I have a feeling that it will come in handy one day. “zi’s”, after all, seem to be multiplying by leaps and bounds.)
Comment by Big Al — December 4, 2008 @ 1:28 pm
Dan Kennedy for King of the Nut People!
RG
Comment by Right Girl — December 4, 2008 @ 2:45 pm
Dan,
You seem a reasonable and effective parent.
You’ve taken measures that are appropriate imho.
Sounds like your kids aren’t being taught the world is going to hold their hand and look after their every whim which is a lesson all parents need to teach their children. You were just forced to do it a little earlier.
No Nutzi©, you.
DaWG
A resident of America’s Hat.©
Comment by Dumbass White Guy — December 4, 2008 @ 6:10 pm
Although I run the risk of sounding hypocrytical, having many food allergies (including corn syrup) and not being a pork-eater myself, I thought you’d enjoy this:
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/10/27/112-hummus/
“When it comes to food, all white people are either allergic to/or have stopped eating everything you consider delicious. It’s a good idea to come to grips with the concept, because it will save you a lot of headaches.
…
Though you would never be able to guess it by their actions, white people are very concerned with perceived as “annoying†or “that guy†who has to ask about the ingredients of everything they eat. However great their concern over this, they are still more afraid of being “that guy†that eats High Fructose Corn Syrup or pork.”
I think it’s also important to note that cutting out peanuts OR alcohol completely would be bad for the bars…and the people!
Comment by The Girl in Blue — December 5, 2008 @ 9:25 pm
[...] PEEEEEANUTS! Nutzis on the Loose! Because everybody should change their behaviour, even though we already have [...]
Pingback by Steynian 294 « Free Canuckistan! — December 7, 2008 @ 4:13 pm