DON’T ask a therapist - ask someone in the sex industry.

My friend Meredith sent me this article, asking me what I think. And what do I think? I think it’s bullshit. Let’s fisk it, shall we?

With “kink” more mainstream than ever, educated, professional women are putting on their leather. And they have many wondering: What’s the appeal of being a dominatrix?

“The toughest job you’ll ever love” has taken on a whole new meaning. When it comes to sex work, being a dominatrix is no walk in the park. After all, they do have to wear spiked-heeled, thigh-high boots.

Cute. That line is to attract people that think the sex industry is icky. After all, the mainstream dame only cares about footwear, right? Pfft.

Becoming a dominatrix — a female who takes a dominant role in bondage, discipline, domination and submission — is an attractive option for these women because:

— It offers the convenience of early or nightshift work;

True. In fact, there is a lucrative day trade for this sort of thing, but usually you need your own location. The day-shift customers are more hardcore, and need the props. Therefore, unless you have a fully-stocked dungeon on Wall Street, you are unlikely to snag the high rollers and are looking at the light S&M evening clientele.

— It enables cute women with bodies bigger than the Barbie-esque figure desired of strippers to work in the sex industry;

Close, but not quite. Basically this comment is saying that heavier chicks make good doms, if they are cute. Let me tell you that the last thing some pathetic sonofabitch sub is looking for is “cute”. Doesn’t matter if you’re 100 or 300 pounds - you’d better be a fierce bitch or you might as well stay home with the kids. The girl next door need not apply.

But the fact that they are able to avoid intercourse is the main reason your “average” women in need of cash are going this route.

Usually this is the case. There are exceptions, and in any case, you’d best be ready to pay for hefty leather drycleaning bills. Trust me. Not only that, but you might be surprised at how many of them want a little sexual role reversal, with you as the penetrating party. Do you think the Tupperware club described in this article is ready for that?

Plus, the money isn’t bad (though nowhere near the $500 an hour call girls rake in). A dominatrix makes up to $200 a shift, and the hours don’t have to be steady. But these are definitely “don’t quit your day job” gigs. While we do hear of a few women making a killing at a fetish party ($1,000 a night), these stories are the exception to the rule.

Bullfuckingshit. Dominatrices make considerably more than the average call girl because of the price of clothing, accessories and equipment. PLUS, the clients get off on knowing that they are so pathetic that the girl wants nothing to do with them if the fee is under XX/hr. In Montreal, when the going rate for an escort was $175-250/hr, I was bringing in over $350. Why? Well, did I mention the cost of dry-cleaning leather?

Also, this is not the job for everyone. Sex is easy - whether you’re giving it or selling it. But BDSM is a skill. If you are a cute bubblehead, stick to selling tail. You need an imagination and the ability to keep a straight face in dom work. You can’t giggle because some financial wizard likes to have his ears pulled while jerking off.

With a number of them not even interested in kink, this is a temporary situation for many. Being “glamorized hookers,” as they’re often called, is not easy money. These women work hard. While they do get to run around in black lingerie, garter belts, and stilettos, this is no lounge-around-Victoria’s-Secret fashion shoot.

First, they need to be trained in techniques like whipping and caning. They need to learn how to use the tools for sex acts involving bondage, paddling and sexual torture.

Once with a client, there’s an interview process. They need to find out more about his expectations beyond any initial booking requests. This requires a skill set. The mistress must be:

— Sensitive to others’ sexual fantasies, thoughts and emotions;

— Open-minded and self-confident;

— Empathetic to others’ wants and desires;

— Good in the art of seduction.

Pretty much true. Some basic first aid doesn’t hurt, either. Just sayin’.

Being a dominatrix or “pro-domme,” as they’re know in the industry, is nothing new. Some have been in the industry for years. They either freelance or work regular shifts at a commercial dungeon.

A) they are NOT called pro-domme - they are called dominatrices or mistresses, and B) I would be interested to know what they mean by “commercial dungeon”. This is not a standard service in a house of ill-repute, and any Mistress worth her salt who has her own dungeon doesn’t run a normal call service.. She specifically trains a submissive in the art of domination over a number of years, and then includes them in her business. It is more of a family relationship than a business one. Strangers are not welcome.

Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

And therein is the problem. Some frustrated “therapist” who has never actually done the job thinks she can come up with a Cosmo magazine-style article on the fun and profit that can be had in the BDSM industry. I ought to put the silly broad over my knee…

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 5th, 2009 at 9:48 pm and is filed under Sex. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.