Swine Flu
Apparently NOT past-tense of “pigs fly”. Who knew?
There’s a lot of blame flying around the Internet these days. Illegals. Border control. Blah blah (according to Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano, it might as well be Maple Flu, because Canada & Mexico are exactly the same) blah.
Except for the most part, Swine Flu isn’t creeping up from Mexico via illegal immigrants. Swine Flu is coming because of you, my dear reader. And me. And many of the people in my nice, middle class WASP/Jew neighborhood. Our great middle classes, bored and upwardly mobile, taking dirt-cheap all-inclusive booze vacations in Mexico. It’s an interesting chain of events…
* Consuela lives in a hovel with pigs, chickens and children all running around the yard in various states of filth
* To pay her rent, Consuela works fluffing pillow for gringos in a nice hotel in the next town
* A nice white middle class family from Kent, England decides to take a vacation at an all-inclusive hotel resort in Mexico
* Consuela, who is accustomed to the filth of her pigs, carries disease without it harming her in any way
* Consuela fluffs the pillow of Mr. & Mrs. Kent - dust from the pillows makes her sneeze
* Mr. & Mrs. Kent spend 7 days with reduced immunity due to the amount of rum & tequila they are consuming by the pool
* Mr. & Mrs. Kent fall into bed on their nicely fluffed pillows, rip-roaring drunk every night
* After 7 days of drunken debauchery, Mr. & Mrs. Kent hop back on the plane to England (or Canada or Iowa or wherever), feeling a little run down and sniffly, probably figuring it’s a change in climate they weren’t accustomed to
* Consuela tidies up a room at the hotel a few weeks later, and sees a discarded newspaper. When she picks it up, she catches a headline that says 500 people in the town of Kent, England died of Swine Flu
*Consuela shrugs, finishes her job, clocks out for the day and goes home to feed the pigs
So here’s a health tip: The cheapest, most booze-laden vacation might not be the best one to take. And you teenage boys in Texas and SoCal? You may want to fuck the local hookers instead of trotting town to Tijuana and Mexico City. Just sayin’.
Funny post. Just one point: Kent is a county not a town.
Comment by Jonny Newton — April 28, 2009 @ 1:35 pm
That’s pretty much how it goes, isn’t it?
Comment by southernholly — April 28, 2009 @ 2:24 pm
Swine Flu, Mexican Flu - Whatever!…
The flu frenzy in the media is back:
The outbreak of swine flu should be renamed “Mexican” influenza in deference to Muslim and Jewish sensitivities over pork, said an Israeli health official Monday.
Deputy Health Minister Yakov Litzman said the re…
Trackback by CORRUPT.org: Remaking Modern Society — April 28, 2009 @ 2:50 pm
Have you priced a hooker in San Diego County lately? The Westpac widows at North Island and 32nd Street will give it away for free.
Comment by Glenn Cassel AMH1(AW) USN RET — April 28, 2009 @ 5:33 pm
[...] Girl on the Right. April 29th, 2009 | Leave a [...]
Pingback by Jonny Newton entering the whirlpool » Swine Flu — April 29, 2009 @ 4:04 am
“You may want to fuck the local hookers instead of trotting town to Tijuana and Mexico City.”
Of course this would make sense, since you might get fucked yourself with something really serious, the fucking flu for christsake.
Jeezus RG??
Comment by Jim R — April 30, 2009 @ 8:31 am
Just the part of you using the name “Consuela” made me laugh my fucking ass off. I used to fuck around on corporate conference calls with my team. I would introduce myeself as Consuela disguising my voice with an accent.
The “maple flu” was a funny comment too. So glad that Mr. Janet Napolitano is no longer our Gov. But homeland security?????? ugh.
Comment by Martini Girl — May 4, 2009 @ 6:59 am
Now if she was in Canada HRC’s have ruled that she wouldn’t have to wash her hands after playing with the pigs.
Comment by dinosaur — May 8, 2009 @ 6:49 am