Signs you’re in Iraq/Afghanistan
Got this from a friend of mine stationed in Af’stan. Have a laugh - or a cringe!
1. You run in terror from a controlled detonation your first week, then
stand in the open to watch real mortars landing, a month later.
2. The most intimate contact you’ve had in months is with the shower
curtain.
3. Your most successful pick-up line is “I’ve got a vehicle”.
4. All the Air Force people look like glow-in-the-dark Power Rangers and
you can’t see the Army Folks.
5. Your 6:00 am wake-up call is “BOOM” Alarm Red, Alarm Red, Alarm Red”.
6. They actually give weapons to the Air Force personnel.
7. You give directions using T-Wall & Bunker murals.
8. You realize AAFES is their own country, and can print their own
money.
9. The amount of sand in your boots is only surpassed by the amount in
your nose.
10. Something as simple as taking a shower or going to the bathroom at
2:00 in the morning requires preparation equal to the Apollo moon
landing.
11. The Texas Style Brisket is not from Texas, is not brisket, and has
no style.
12. You are watching a “chick-flick” with 300 guys with machine guns.
13. Your internet connection is twice as slow as your old dial-up
connection back home, and you’re paying twice as much.
14. Your lying under your bed in your IBA writing to your spouse, “No,
nothing exciting happened today” and you mean it.
15. You can buy a car or truck from the on post AAFES, but paper towels
are nowhere to be found.
16. You live in a gated community, but your home is still a trailer.
17. You are caught way over the speed limit and you are only going 22
MPH.
18. During Alarm Red someone jumps out of the bunker to tell you to get
your hands out of your pockets.
19. Your idea of a night on the town is going to another DFAC.
20. The grass is greener on the other side of the fence, but you still
wouldn’t want to be on that side of the fence.
21. Dusting the furniture has a whole new meaning.
22. “Pimp my Ride” means putting doors on your Hummer.
23. U2 is hitting the charts again.
24. The local community holds fireworks displays every night in your
honor.
25. Driving over the curb seems totally natural.
26. The outcome of the war hinges on how you wear your reflective belt.
27. You see a guy in full battle rattle driving a Humvee trying not to
spill his latte’.
28. It feels normal to dry your hands at the DFAC with toilet paper.
29. Your idea of a clear day is when you can see the perimeter of the
base from where you’re at.
30. The dust on the dashboard of your vehicle is an inch think, but you
don’t even notice it.
31. You don’t even notice T-walls anymore.
32. Cold water from the shower is only possible after 1 Oct.
33. Getting your laundry back from the contractor is a big deal.
34. A 105-degree day in the summer actually feels cool.
35. You don’t even notice an F-16 taking off anymore.
36. You don’t stop what you’re doing anymore, when you hear automatic
gun fire coming from the perimeter.
37. You used to think that F-16’s, doing afterburner take-offs, were
cool. Now it just pisses you off.
38. Without even looking outside, you know that the weather sucks,
because you weren’t woke up all night from the roar of the F-16’s.
Absolutely spot on! I read that with my head constantly nodding up and down in agreement.
Please allow me to add to the list. While talking to a local Afghan, you use sentences like, ” I’m serious Raheem, toilet paper will get you as clean as the smooth rocks you use.”
Comment by Sabot — August 25, 2009 @ 10:32 am
Heh! Right on target.
(Class of Bagram, ‘09)
I had F-15’s instead of F-16’s, though. Twice as loud!
Comment by The Jinxmedic — August 25, 2009 @ 5:55 pm
Funny, but with just a few changes in terminology, almost all of those could have been said (and probably were) about VietNam.
Yeah. I’m old. Bite me.
Comment by Mamba1-0 — August 25, 2009 @ 9:16 pm
Yeah-
My nephew was over in Iraq, and now gets to nip at the headnippers over in Afghanistan, and hopefully punch a few holes in some. He’ll testify to pretty much everything on that handy list, though most of his work was in transportation, he got close enough to some of the action to hear the booms, unhinge the bombs, and clean body parts out of hummers after the car bombs they didn’t catch went off.
Nice places, these tours of duty to the various hellholes of the planet.
God, I hope this works out.
(and by gollly, as libs will tell ya, Afghanistan is the “good” war in all this..)
Comment by Wakefield Tolbert — August 30, 2009 @ 12:15 pm