I’ll freely admit my irreverence. Unlike your average Muslim, I can get a kick out of my religion without fearing that my God or His son will get their precious feelings hurt. I mean, if they can create a world, they can handle a little good-natured ribbing. I guess that’s why one of my favorite books is Lamb: The gospel according to Biff, Christ’s childhood pal.

In the spirit of Lamb comes The Second Coming by John Niven.

God’s been on a fishing vacation for the last 400 or so years, and when He gets back, He is truly pissed at the sad state of affairs. Too many fractioned Christians, WTF is up with Mohammed’s people? and what’s a fax machine?

This whole time the Son of God has been smoking heaven-grade weed with Jimi Hendrix, and getting little work done. So the Bossman sends him back to set things straight.

When I opened up the front cover to the author blurb, I was shocked to find that Niven is from my ex-husband’s hometown of Irvine, Ayrshire, Scotland - a town I lived in when I first moved overseas. Nobody comes from Irvine. Seriously. It’s a one-castle-ruin town. Yet in its own way, his birthplace brings me that tiny bit closer to him, having stepped out the front door to the winter smell of coal fires and distant sheep shit.

I’m about 40 pages into the book, read while I was waiting for my pal Olga this afternoon. So far it’s pretty funny, and Saint Andrew’s Scottish accent is fucking brill.

Check it out.

The Second Coming by John Niven

Afghan insurgents appeared to continue their assassination campaign against key public figures on Wednesday with the killing of the mayor of Kandahar.

Ghulam Haider Hamidi was targeted by a suicide bomber who got into the municipality compound in Kandahar City with explosives concealed under his turban. The technique was first used earlier this month in a mosque in the city during a memorial service for Ahmed Wali Karzai, a regional strongman and half-brother of the president.

Abdul Manan, a municipality employee, said the mayor had emerged from his office into the garden, where he made a call on his mobile phone.

The assassin grabbed him and detonated the bomb.

Seriously. The US, Canada and various celebrity-fronted initiatives are sending whacks of money and food over to Somalia because of a “famine,” and this is what we’re reading about here in the Western world:

Somalia’s al-Shabaab group has banned samosas after ruling the popular snacks are ‘offensive’ and too Christian.

Militant Islamist fighters last week used vehicles mounted with loudspeakers to announce the bizarre ruling across the regions of the war-torn country it controls.

The extremist group has offered no official explanation for the ban on the triangular snacks, which are commonly cooked up and served across the Horn of Africa.

They’re banning food. We’re sending food, cause they’re hungry, and they’re banning food!

Do Muslims ever make sense? Ever? Even accidentally?

… the results can literally be deadly.

Remember, we in Canada think the government should be responsible for everything from trash pickup, to health care. And somewhere in the middle lies the postal service, Canada Post.

Cancer Care Ontario (CCO), the agency responsible for improving cancer services in the province, says colon cancer test results for nearly 6,500 patients may have gone missing in the mail.

Canada Post cannot confirm the delivery of 15 “screening activity reports” containing the personal health information of 6,490 Ontarians, the agency said Tuesday. The reports were part of “ColonCancerCheck,” a province-wide, population-based colorectal cancer screening program. They were mailed to physicians across the province in February and March using Canada Post’s Xpresspost courier service.

Canada Post was supposed to obtain signatures upon delivery, while any parcels for which a signature could not be obtained were supposed to have been sent back to CCO. The agency says Canada Post believes some reports were in fact delivered without the required signatures.

Ah, I sleep better at night knowing the government and all its agencies are looking out for my best interests.

This is a hard post to write. It is really stream-of-conciousness, so bear with me.

It required a lot of looking at myself in the mirror, calling forth my Bloody Mary-esue demons to get a get a good look at them. I can’t say that by reading about Anders Breivik that I understand him better, but I understand myself a bit more.

Here’s this white dude, pissed off by a far-left leaning government is flinging open the country’s doors to violent interlopers that rape the locals. I get that. I mean, Canada hasn’t got it remotely as bad as Europe, and yet I totally get it.

As a citizen, you can vote till you’re blue in the face, but once the snowball of socialism gets rolling, it’s hard to stop it. I mean, 1939, anyone? So people get disgruntled. People get angry. Some get violent. Breivik did. How many rallies do you have to go to, how many crimes do you have to read about, how many letters do you have to write to your elected official, how many internet editorials before finally, one day, you take matters into your own hands?

So Breivik has now brought global attention to the fact that a lot Norwegians are pissed off about public policy. Of course, no official will publicly admit that they got the message - they can’t. They’re not allowed. I mean, I shouldn’t be writing that I get it, either. I’m supposed to make sympathetic and disappointed mouth noises about the state of some people’s minds. Bullshit.

With the exception of a body count, I am like this guy in almost every way. I listen to Geert Wilders and think, “Hey, he gets it!” I align myself with some (not all) of the policies of the English Defense League. I am pissed off beyond words about Islamic takeover of our lives, and how we’re supposed to kowtow to Muslim fanatics.

I haven’t killed anyone though. Not sure I have it in me. Maybe we all do - who knows?

And that’s where I start to get confused about this Anders fellow. Believe me, I understand the urge, but why - for fuck sake WHY??? - would you kill white kids? If your problem is with Muslim immigrants and Islamization of your country, I really don’t see how killing your fellow Teutons is a good outlet for your rage.

It blows my fucking mind how anyone could think killing his fellow countrymen would be a good way to cut down on the amount of foreigners in the country. It’s mathematically impossible! What were you thinking, you idiot? Here is a perfectly good opportunity - on a Friday, no less - to shoot up a mosque. To kill the enemy, not the neighbor’s kids. (And, irony of ironies, he shoots one Afghan kid at the camp - and the kid survives!)

The kids were at a socialist camp, much like Kraft durch Freude, and were likely to grow up to perpetuate the problems in the country. But those kids would not have grown up to rape your sister. They would not have grown up to bomb your trains. And now they can’t grow up at all. Over 80 innocent kids were murdered because this twat couldn’t accurately pinpoint who he was pissed off at.

Of course, the left and the media are thrilled to death (no pun intended) that they finally got a white terrorist. Especially one that claimed on the internet to be a right-wing Christian. Obviously that means that all right-wing Christians are terrorists, just like I claim that all Muslims are.

Ok, here’s the difference, for the deliberately obtuse (and those that read Dan Brown novels like they’re fact): When Muslim terrorists commit a heinous act, they scream Allahu Akbar! - God is great. Their terrorist organizations operate in the name of Allah. Everything they do is about their faith. Whereas when Anders Breivik started shooting, he did not do it in the name of God. He did not say he was killing for Christ. Neither did Timothy McVeigh - who openly eschewed religion, despite the best efforts of the media to say otherwise.

Anders Breivik killed for civilization. Timothy McVeigh killed out of hate. In fact, the only killer I can think of who murdered in the name of Christ was the guy who killed abortionist George Tiller. The difference, of course, is that Christianity abhors murder in all its facets, be it abortion or terror. You cannot, in the name of Christ, kill for Christ. Whereas Islamic doctrine is all about death. Kill for Allah. Kill if someone offends the Prophet. Kill if your family is dishonored. Islam is all the parts of the Bible we put past when we embraced the gospels of Christ.  And then some!

I will accept that Breivik killed in the name of political ideology and frustration. But no matter what anyone says, he did not kill for his faith. And he killed the wrong people.

Like most people around the world, I am still trying to wrap my head around all this. And as I do, I am sharing this stream of consciousness with you all. I am saying out loud the things that are likely to get me tut-tutted by the masses - not that that ever stopped me before! So before you leave me platitudinous comments, or worse yet: profanity laced comments, please remember to go fuck yourselves because I really don’t care.

What happened in Oslo?, lemonade stands, the union bailout of the auto companies, and Wendy wonders how Steve Jobs can still be alive. Coverart copyright © Justine Ezarick. All rights reserved.

Brass Balls Radio - Show 96

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From the very first time I heard her voice - so unusual for a little white British Jew - I said she was the new Billie Holliday. Today, that became true in every way. Amy Winehouse was found dead in her London flat at 27.

It was inevitable that this day would come. Everyone knew it. It was a joke, a bet, whatever. But still, to have such incredible talent snuffed out, and only two albums out there to sate the masses… Tragic.

I hope her family - her poor dad - finds some peace and anonymity now.

A bunch of really nice people are bombing the shit out of Norway, and shooting up a childrens’ camp. I bet it’s Lutherans.

The Space Shuttle Atlantis landed safely for the final time early this morning. NASA is discontinuing shuttle expeditions.

There’s a nostalgia about the shuttles being retired that has caused the conservative blog-and-twitter-sphere to lose its collective ability to reason.

My fellow conservatives wail about how Obama has “gutted” this oh-so-American program and forever docked space missions. Yawn. What they seem to forget is that a government that can’t balance its earthly budgets has no business running up bills further afield in the universe.

Not to mention, the reasons for space exploration as they existed in the 60’s no longer exist today. The Cold War is over, and with it our need to a) launch bombs from space, b) set up a space shield to protect us from the other guy launching bombs at us, and c) find a new planet to live on in case we nuke this one beyond all repair. Space exploration is no longer of military import, and since running the military is one of the ONLY things the federal government should be doing, it’s time for them to get out of the space race.

If anything more is going to come of space exploration, it will - and it should - come from private enterprise, like Sir Richard Branson and his ilk.

We must remember that in the science of oceanography, more good came from Jacques Cousteau and Robert Ballard than from any government program. And yes, Ballard’s exploration of the Titanic was funded by the US Navy, but he approached them and asked them to underwrite his mission, with the bulk of the burden being shouldered by him and his scientific cohorts.

Space, like the ocean, is a dream best explored by dreamers - not by bureaucrats. If we can’t trust the government to run the DMV efficiently, why on earth are conservatives so desperate to save an archaic space program? Time to turn it over to the private sector, to continue the job started by the Cold War.

Need a corneal transplant? Live in Ontario? I would suggest going to Nairobi if you want the corneas donated by a fellow Ontarian. Here at home, the operating rooms are all booked up (my guess would be abortions and gender reassignments).

In Grace’s dusty village, near the industrial town of Thika on the outskirts of Nairobi, Canada is unfamiliar and strange. She cocks her head in amusement when she learns people are silly enough to put sticks on their feet and bomb down mountains in the middle of winter. She’s in stitches at the thought of a snowflake landing on the tip of her nose.

But for the rest of her life, the shy, sweet girl from Kenya, who dreams of someday becoming a teacher, is forever linked to an anonymous Canadian. A 50-year-old, from somewhere in Ontario, who recently died and gave Grace the gift of sight.

In light of that, this is surprising: It’s no easy feat to get a cornea transplant in Ontario. There’s actually a shortage of corneas for transplant and people, mostly seniors, wait years for the elective surgery as their eyesight deteriorates.

Yet we’re still able to send tissue that could be placed locally to Africa because of an intractable system that doesn’t flex when there is a surplus of donations that could reduce the wait list here.

The Canadian Eye Bank, which handles all provincial donations, does everything it can to give tissue to those on the wait list. But if it will go to waste, the bank donates the corneas elsewhere in the world.

The system is flawed because operating rooms cannot be freed up in the event of a surplus of donated corneas, which must be transplanted within seven to nine days. On the other side, the system can’t move nimbly when there is a shortage of donations either.

Ontario has twisted itself in knots trying to get more and more people onto the donor list, but if our operating rooms are jam packed for over three years, there’s nothing we can do with the tissue except throw it out or send it elsewhere.

Which also means that despite lacking a donation program, Nairobi actually has a more efficient surgical system that allows for urgent and time-sensitive matters to make it to the operating room. Unlike here in the so-called “civilized” world.

For shame.

On the Red Construction Paper Edition of Brass Balls Radio, Wendy leaves her day job, Mexican drug cartels have really nice bathrooms, Alberta puts your health back in your hands, and Wendy wishes she was an Oscar Meyer Weiner.

Brass Balls Radio – Show 95

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Kimberly Haney joins Wendy as guest co-host this week. Casey Anthony, disturbing human behavior, a stand off in Wendy’s apartment building, and all about why you need to donate to a great cause…

Brass Balls Radio – Show 94

Here’s the link to the donation page for helping Fisher House.

Make a Donation to Fisher House!

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A funeral procession in Amersfoort, Netherlands, has been disrupted by Muslim youths in a religiously motivated incident.

One dog less, the Moroccan “youths” said excitedly upon finding out that the deceased was a dirty infidel.

London receives a gift from the Religion of Peace™.

From the Religion of Peace comes the honor killing of a male. This fine dead fellow was caught sparking their daughter, so they killed him.

Police revealed at the time that he had been scalded with hot oil, hit with a variety of objects, and repeatedly stabbed in the back and chest, with the majority of the wounds sustained after his death.

He was also almost entirely scalped and one of his fingers had been partially chopped off.

The man was allegedly killed because of his relationship with the family’s 16-year-old daughter.

Her brother, 17 at the time, was convicted, whilst the girl’s parents, who were initially implicated, were acquitted, despite police claiming that it was almost impossible that the boy could have acted alone.

However, a few years after his conviction, the son changed his story, now pointing the finger of blame at his parents for the murder.

The parents denied all charges saying that their son was behind the deed and that he has only changed his story, as he is afraid he will be deported to Afghanistan after his sentence is through.

It’s not like it’s a loss. After all, the only good Muslim is a dead Muslim, but still… This “honor killing” nonsense is just that - nonsense. We here in the west fall into conniptions if someone spanks their kid for playing with matches, while we feign ignorance or push the soft racism of cultural relativity in regards to our inferiors from Islamic backwaters (backdeserts?).

Wendy gets abducted by lesbians, god has left your local cemetery, and the TSA rapes your grandmother. All that and much more fun on this week’s show.

Brass Balls Radio – Show 93

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Let this email I sent to my boss last night be a lesson in why drugs (sleeping pill) and technology should never mix:

I’m like Jusis Marcel, I’m everywhere

Nah I’ll when you!

Nah, I’ll wend you away from the couple away I away from you got. I’ll stick to being AWAY from everywhere you!

Sent from my iPhone

Especially hilarious when read out loud with a Churchillian English accent.

Remember: Jusis loves you.