All I want for Christmas is some percocet. Walking home with the asparagus, I took a dive on an icy patch and smashed my left knee and shin pretty hard. I am in screaming agony, with naught but a bottle of port to heal me. I’m supposed to be hosting dinner tonight, which I will somehow pull off, but if my guests are reading this: BRING DRUGS!

This actually made me cry at my desk:

Susan Dahl had been homeless for four months in Colorado and had just survived a harrowing 10-hour bus trip through sleet and snow. Hungry and broke, all she wanted to do was get back to family in Minnesota.

That’s when a tall man in a red coat and red hat sat next to her at the downtown bus station, talked to her quietly and then slipped her $100.

The man was doing the work of Larry Stewart, Kansas City’s original Secret Santa who anonymously wandered city streets doling out $100 bills to anyone who looked like they needed it.

“There was this fella named Larry Stewart,” he tells a man in the bus station. “He was an old friend of mine. He was called Secret Santa, and every year he would find a few people who might need a little money and he would ask that you pass on the kindness.”

People respond differently to the gesture. Some cry. Some scream. A rare few even say, “No thanks.”

Others take the money and offer their own gifts. like Robert Young, who was homeless and had only 20 cents in his pocket. When Secret Santa gave him $200, Young, 50, took out an old notebook and ripped out a song he had written.

“It’s yours now,” he told Secret Santa, who thanked Young, and carefully tucked the pages into his pocket.

There is no doubt that Larry Stewart will be at God’s table for Christmas this year.

Drug traffickers in Rio de Janeiro have opened fire on a helicopter carrying an actor dressed as Santa Claus to a children’s party in a shanty town.

They apparently believed it was a police helicopter being used in a raid and fired at least two bullets into the fuselage.

The pilot was flying over the Vila Joao shanty town in Brazil’s second city when he realised he was under attack and was forced to land.

The undeterred Santa continued his journey by car to keep his promise to deliver his presents.

Note to Toronto traffic reporters - you may want to avoid flying over certain North York neighborhoods…

I LOVE this song. I think it’s likely my all-time favorite Christmas tune.

But the idiots at the BBC apparently decided that the words “slut” and “faggot” would be “offensive to some listeners”. Well, um, yeah: To sluts and faggots. But they really aren’t the Christmas market you’re after. Thankfully they came to their senses before ruining a Christmas classic.

Fairytale of New York, the raucous Christmas classic from the Pogues, is to be restored to its full, vulgar glory on Radio 1.

The station was derided for bleeping out the words ’slut’ and ‘faggot’ from the 20-year-old song, saying they could be offensive to listeners.

But last night station controller Andy Parfitt said: “After careful consideration, I have decided the decision to edit the Pogues song Fairytale of New York was wrong.”

A Christmas miracle.

You’re running out of time…

Wendy’s Wishlist

My Amazon WishList

Just sayin’.

I caught a few minutes of the tree-lighting ceremony lat night from Nathan Phillips Square while surfing channels. I happened to see the part where our erstwhile Mayor Miller came out to say a few words (and thank the sponsors). Did anyone else notice that he never once said the word Christmas, even with a gospel choir standing behind him?