Shut up. Really. These nut allergy people are so banal with their Nazi Nut Hatred and their anaphylactic fear of the old fashioned PB&J. Now they’re after your cookies…

Bella Cucina’s Death by Chocolate cookies contain walnuts, which are not declared on the label and could be hazardous to anyone with nut allergies.

Hide your children! Get to the bomb shelters! Somewhere out there are cookies that aren’t wearing their big yellow star… oops, I mean, their allergy label.

These designer kids with their designer allergies need to grow a pair. Yes, of nuts. You know what gives me anaphylaxis? Eggplant. You know why? Because it’s from the Deadly Nightshade family - so there’s a pretty good reason right there not to eat it. But I have. Sometimes it just shows up in food, and since I’m not one of those people who goes screeching into restaurants howling about how fucking fragile I am, I usually don’t think to ask ahead if a certain dish contains it. So I suck it up, drink a couple of cups of strong espresso to reopen the ol’ windpipe, and get the fuck on with it. I’ll die when it’s my time to die. And if you’re so thin-skinned that a peanut will kill you, then your time to die was in the womb. It is merely a credit to science that you’ve remained with us for so long. So long.