I don’t go to movies that often. There are many reasons for this, but the top two boil down to

a) they’re too expensive

b) most movies out in recent years have sucked hairy moosecock

One of the most expensive parts of going to the movies are the mis-named “concessions”. It’s $14 to get in the door, and then another $20 for snacks. And there aren’t a lot of choices. Chocolate, greasy popcorn or a stale hotdog. Over the years I’ve gone through phases where I’ve had special dietary needs (no salt, no fat, no starch, whatever) - usually to clear up specific digestive conditions. Theaters however really discourage the bringing of snacks from outside their own little mafia-esque lobby installations. I couldn’t for example, enjoy a meal replacement bar or a banana instead of the aforementioned choices.

With adult-onset diabetes on the rise in the West, you’d think it wouldn’t be a war just to get some crudités or an apple in the door of a movie theater, but it is. Well, now Sony Pictures wants to change that.

Speaking at the ShoWest convention in Las Vegas on Monday, Sony Pictures CEO Michael Lynton said that, while the current fare offered at theaters is great, theater owners should be considering healthier alternatives.

“I don’t mean to close the window for popcorn, soda and candy. Audiences love them and should always be able to buy them at your theaters,” he said. But he added that “by bringing healthier snacks into your concession stands, you would be helping our country meet an urgent public health need,”

Lyton pointed to a survey Sony did of 26 theaters around the country. According to their findings, 42% of parents said they’d buy more food at the concession stands if healthier options were made available.

Believe me, I’m not a food Nazi. I’ve fought the fascist dictates of the crazy nut-phobes and the lactose intolerant, feeling that we should all be allowed to make our own food choices. But if the options are limited to fat, sugar and salt, there really aren’t many choices you can make. Personally, my favorite thing to sneak into the theater is a bag of peanuts without chocolate on them. Sony isn’t saying theaters can’t serve junk food - they’re merely asking for additions to the menu. I think it’s a good idea, and I’d like to see how it would play out. Would people opt for healthier fare?

No, we’re not still talking about Dita Von Teese. We’re talking about dinner.

Strange, but I was having this exact conversation the other night, as I was cooking the living hell out of a couple of pieces of chicken. Then this article pops into my inbox.

In an effort to eat compassionately, many people choose free-range chickens and eggs — assuming that the birds lived happy, high-quality lives before they became dinner. A free-range label, however, doesn’t guarantee your poultry had a worry-free existence.

Swedish researchers have discovered that, if farmers aren’t extremely careful, bacterial infections like E. coli can run rampant through free-range chicken flocks. The finding raises questions about what’s best for both animals and people.

There just doesn’t seem to be a safe, humane way to raise poultry for consumption. Battery chickens are crushed into tiny cages and usually fed steroids to grow large and fast for slaughter. Not cool.

But let me tell you a thing or two I learned about free range chickens while I was on the farm in Kansas. Chickens are damn disgusting. They will eat anything. We’d throw them leftovers from dinner, which often included chicken, and they would eat it. Disgusting cannibals! They also eat the eggs that they lay. We won’t even go into the amount of poop they manage to get in their food and water… instead let’s talk about something even more gross.

Free range chickens could theoretically survive the summer months without being fed by humans. Here’s how. They eat bugs, right? In fact, they gorge on them. So, they shit the bugs out, and the chicken shit attracts more bugs! The chickens then consume their own feces which is now full of yummy bugs.

Hungry? Didn’t think so.

The chickens at Castle Argghhh! Farms weren’t for consumption, but for eggs. Still, watching them was almost enough to put me off my dinner.

Almost. Instead I just cooked the high holy hell out of whatever chicken I’m about to eat.

Enjoy your dinner.

Toxic toothpaste with antifreeze in it, canned food full of bacteria, lethal pet food with melamine, and now this.

Chopped cardboard, softened with an industrial chemical and made tasty with pork flavouring, is a main ingredient in batches of steamed buns sold in one Beijing neighbourhood, state television said.

What the hell is going on over there? And how does this bode for the upcoming Olympics?

Squares of cardboard picked from the ground are first soaked to a pulp in a plastic basin of caustic soda - a chemical base commonly used in manufacturing paper and soap - then chopped into tiny morsels with a cleaver. Fatty pork and powdered seasoning are stirred in.

My theory - and it’s just a theory - is that it’s been this way for a long, long time, and only now, due to the Olympic brouhaha, are we finally hearing about life in that secretive country.

From the AP:

Confidence in the safety of Chinese exports has severely waned internationally, as the list of products found tainted with dangerous levels of toxins and chemicals grows longer by the day.

China has taken significant steps to try to clean up its dubious product safety record in recent days, including executing the former head of its drug regulation agency for taking bribes and banning the use of a chemical found in antifreeze in the production of toothpaste.

This week, officials vowed the Beijing Summer Games - a source of tremendous national pride - will be part of the crackdown on unsafe food.

The new food quality monitoring system announced Thursday will begin Aug. 8, the start of a series of 11 trials for Olympic organizers to assess their transportation systems, technology and logistics.

Sounds like they’ve got a big job ahead of them.

Kateland reminds me that today is EATA PETA Day.

So tonight we’re having thick juicy Angus steaks, with a side of sauteed vegetarian. They’re grain-fed, you know.

That’s always been my personal philosophy. And while the latter has landed me more than once in the emergency roon, it’s reassuring to hear that the former may actually save my life.

Scientists have discovered the key to the ability of spicy foods to kill cancer cells.

They found capsaicin, an ingredient of jalapeno peppers, triggers cancer cell death by attacking mitochondria - the cells’ energy-generating boiler rooms.

The research raises the possibility that other cancer drugs could be developed to target mitochondria.

And for all those years, people laughed at me for drinking hot sauce right out of the bottle and baking chili chocolate chip cookies. Ha! I may have no esophaegus or stomach lining left, but I may also be the first in my family to live to retirement!