From Guantanamo Bay:

“Good morning sir, Chief Simmons Camp 6. We have 112 assigned, 112 present. Last night detainee 765 requested onions and parsley on his salad and requested to see the camp commander regarding his request. 844 wants a better detainee newsletter and 632 has requested a Bowflex machine because he says he is not getting enough of an upper body work out.

“We had 3 significant activities last night: 601 balled up feces and threw it at the guard hitting him in the chest saying next time he would hit him in the mouth. Next, as 155 was being taken to rec, he bit a guard on the arm until it bled. Detainee was not allowed rec and had comfort items removed. When asked why he did it, 155 just laughed. The guard was sent to medical where he is being evaluated. Finally, 767 yelled at female guard saying, ‘I am going to rape you. I am going to rape you. And when I get out of here I am going to kill you and your family.’ Sir, barring any questions, that concludes my report.”

Those poor, abused terrorists.

They’re not terrorists, they’re just misunderstood.

A Kuwaiti man released from the U.S. prison in Guantanamo Bay in 2005 has carried out a suicide bombing in Iraq, his cousin told Al Arabiya television on Thursday.

Those evil Amerikkkans are holding these poor innocent Muslims hostage in Cuba, and all they ever wanted to do was pray to their kind and beloved Allah (spit).

I’m about to catch a flight from one Islamic hellhole (Minneapolis) to another (Toronto), but in the meantime, read about my favorite Toronto shit-suckers: The Khadr’s.

For those who are late to the party, I’ll briefly review the history of the Khadr family. Papa Khadr was a senior member of al-Qaeda who took his family to Afghanistan where they hung out with Osama Bin Laden. During the 1990’s, he was arrested for his part in a terrorist attack in Afghanistan, but he was kindly sprung from jail through the intervention of Jean Chretien.

Mommy and Daddy al-Qaeda raised their children to be good little martyrs. The eldest daughter-s wedding was attended by Bin Laden - and she’s reportedly under investigation by the RCMP. Two of the sons - Abdul and Omar - ended in Guantanamo Bay after being captured while fighting on behalf of the terrorists. Abdul flipped and managed to get out of Gitmo by working for the CIA. Omar, who killed an American in combat, is about to be tried for murder. Another son is in jail in Canada, awaiting extradition to the United States.

This fine passel of jihadis (I wonder what happens when you write “jihadi” over an airport network… I think I’m about to find out…) is whinging once more over having their “rights” as “Canadians” defended while Omar languishes at Gitmo. Remember, the entire brood is living off Canadian welfare, not having to work like you and I, and Omar is living better than all of us down on the beach in Cuba.

It’s time we called for open season on Muslims, before any more harm can be done to us. Paging Pope Benedict….